Reflections on #Me Too Movement
I am a woman and I support women–personally and in the workforce. I always have, although sadly, I am unable to say that about all women, some of whom I have had the misfortune to work with. In fact, just as an aside here, as long as I’m recalling my experiences, I have had more negative experiences with women supporting women than I’ve had with men supporting women in the workplace. But I digress and am unsure how many reading this (of those who’ve been active in the workforce for 20 years and better) can relate in any specific way.
All that said, I have also seen, heard and personally experienced male harassment on the job, most of which has been “sexual” in nature. Still, I ‘m not here to claim victimization; I have never thought of myself as a victim. Incidentally, before I wrote this, I checked in with other women with whom I’ve worked and those who have been part of the workforce for some time and I must report concurrence with my views on this.
“Things happened,” but we did not wait 20 years to sound an alarm on what we understood was inappropriate; we took care of it in the moment. We did not hesitate and it was not usually frightening to address it directly. Were there consequences? None of which we were had concerned ourselves with and even if there had been, we were evidently willing to allow for those consequences or address them accordingly, just as we did the initial offense.
Here’s the bottom line, as far as I’m concerned. If one stills her own voice in the face of something offensive or even worse, blatantly not acceptable, who is to blame? Had that stilled voice been motivated by a drive to get something in exchange, achieve something and therefore the willingness to “let it go” (perhaps even for a moment until that something is received, achieved, attained…)? Or does one stifle a need to cry out in self-respect and self-care because one is incapable of defending herself, lacks the self-esteem to know that she indeed has every right and is fully capable of standing in her own power?
No one, including me wants to make these women wrong, but what exactly is the reason for waiting decades to express an unwillingness to “be abused?” Have you been honest with yourself and the public about the motivation behind your inaction and why it took so long to address it ? Was there some powerful psychological hold on you to preclude your disclosure that somehow grew its nerve from the numbers giving their voice to the “issue”? Were you truly thinking that your experience was so isolated that you could put your head down and proceed forward with your desired agenda?
I think the lesson is more about what women are willing to endure for what they want in exchange. I think our daughters need to understand the truth and learn that they need no numbers before they stand up for themselves but can do it right in the moment of its occurrence. And if the consequences are unreasonable and unacceptable, sound the alarm on that.
Victimization happens when we are over-powered and forced to act or endure an act against our will. That is different and we have laws to protect us in retaliation to obtain justice for such egregious offenses. But this is not that. I don’t mean to be unsupportive of my female counterparts but I do feel a need to express another view, as unpopular and non-“politically correct” as it may be.
I want us to be real and to go forward with a truthful lesson learned so that we are better equipped to take care of ourselves and teach young women to take responsibility for their own care, not repeat a diminishing story of victimization. Some wise person once said that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Let’s teach that, for this is a concept truly empowering!
About the author, Saleh
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